Sunday, May 23, 2010

Kan i has a mujahadeen burger, pleeez?

 "Kan i has...?"

The animal kingdom appears to be a tad torqued these days.  Who can blame them? Seems they have now had their fill of we big-brained bipeds and our loud, arrogant, destructive ways.  We leak things, make other things get blowed up, and we intentionally kill animals for no good reason at all.  And here's proof -

Just recently, two heavily armed Hizbul Mujahadeen commanders were sleathily sneaking around the mountainous forested region of Shopian, South Kashmir and found a nice cave in which to bivouac for a spell and hide out from those pesky infidel drones.  They set up house there and settled in for a nap.  It can be deduced that this was sneaky stealthy Hizbul Mujahadeen heaven without the requisite virgin count for those pervs to deflower.  All that sneaking around in forests exposed to the elements can make a terrorist a cranky guy.  Apparently, according to the medical examiner's statement after these guys were found, while they dozed in extremist fundamental bliss, Papa Bear came home and didn't even pause to question who was sleeping in his bed.  He just ate them.  

Allah, Ak-bear!

And maybe we just better leave those bulls alone, Spain. Celebrated Spanish matador, Aparicio, had just finished murdering a bull in the ring to the delight of the bloodlusting crowd.  He sheared the ears off of the still breathing, bloodied, supine animal he had so bravely just killed via the death of many cuts, and held them up in manly fashion for everyone to admire.

Huzzah!  Our hero!

The next bull in line for the privilege of this public torture death obviously saw the whole thing and probably thought if he were going to suffer the same fate, someone was going to PAY.

And pay he did. 

After Aparicio and his minions bloodied our doomed bull to the point where it was unbearable and only death would end the suffering, he summoned up what was left of his bovine glory and gored the matador beneath the chin and up through the throat, and in an irony I can't even make up, force his horn out through Aparicio's mouth!

Hieronimus Bosch meets minotaur!   

I say we make the BP Executives swim for it in the Gulf of Mexico.

Crack shot dolphin with laser.

oh! And here're the quintessential instructions for an encounter with something wild:

1 comment:

Come on! Blurt, rant or engage in verbal disrobement! Anything goes, so indulge yourself right here, right now.