Saturday, May 30, 2015

Do's & Donuts: A Pretty Decent Proposal

NOVEMBER 22, 2010 7:08AM

Do's & Donuts: A Pretty Decent Proposal

Do's & Donuts, Act One, Scene 3

  Do's & Donuts around 3:15 am. Veeta is mopping the porch, a bucket, bleach and her gun within reach. She alternates mop strokes with swigs from her tumbler which she refills from a vodka bottle. Lights of a police car sweep across her and she looks up and scrambles to hide the mop, towels and a certain cocktail dress. She rapidly sits in her rocker with the gun across her knees.
A tall Native American law enforcement officer with a long black braid down his back approaches the porch, takes off his hat and sits on the steps.

VEETA
Willis.
WILLIS
Veeta. Earl again?
VEETA
Yep.
WILLIS
Anyone hurt?
VEETA
Nope.
WILLIS
You wanta press charges?
VEETA
Nope.
WILLIS
Cecil’s tent’s down.
VEETA
Yep.
WILLIS
Damn. Sorry I couldn’t get here quicker.
VEETA
That’s ok. I’ll take care of Cecil. You go on now.
          She pats him on the shoulder as she gets up; Willis looks at the spot where she touched him.
WILLIS
I’ll help put Cecil back to right. I can… stay…you know. If you want…To guard, you know. Like before…
VEETA
NO. It’s ok Willis. Go on.
WILLIS
(Gathering resolve)  Veeta, I truly think you need someone around here more regular to make sure everything’s alright.
VEETA
(With Molly Brown bravado)  Well, you know better than that.  (Holding up her shotgun) Daddy left me “The Authority Stick” here and it seems to do the trick. You oughtta know I can’t afford a body guard or a security company, if that’s what you mean Chief...
WILLIS
I mean like a husband to you.
VEETA
(Archly)  Willis, that’s a cozy solution to what you think is a problem here. Sweetie, I’m set in my ways. I like the seat down in the outhouse and the cap on the toothpaste. I am irritating in my living patterns. I stay up late with the owls and get up at the butt-crack of dawn. That alone is not conducive to marital bliss.  (She tries to lead him off the porch to leave)  Besides, who’d want a bossy old donut rollin’ flour-covered, crack shot, vodka drinkin’, foul mouthed, workin’ woman like me? I ain’t no spring chicken…
WILLIS
(Interrupting, blurting, taking her by the shoulders, going for broke)Woman, damn it, I’m tryin’ to say something here. I would. I mean I would want your bossy-ass self. I’d marry you. Yes, I would. There it is…
           Willis and Veeta, both stunned, sit down awkwardly trying to process the moment.
VEETA
Well, honey, that’s the most words out loud I think I’ve ever heard you string together.
WILLIS
Uh huh. Don’t like to waste ‘em.
VEETA
I like that. You go on along now.
WILLIS
Veeta? You ok?
VEETA
Fine, Willis. I’ll call you, honey. I’ll make you dinner, how’s that? And you can guard me then. Just go on now…
           Willis takes her hand, and kisses her gently on the lips and leaves hesitantly.   But then he makes a furious return to the porch to plant a big romantic kiss on Veeta after all, and then beats a hasty retreat not really believing what he just did. Veeta is ruffled and glowing in the aftermath.            Cecil emerges silently from the shadows, relights his lantern, retrieves a pair of overalls from the wreckage of his tent, tugs them on and starts straightening up his destroyed campsite area…Veeta shakes off the spell of that kiss, props her gun against the chair and joins Cecil in his clean up. Veeta finds and returns Cecil’s harmonica to him.
Cecil straightens with some reverence the homemade wooden sign on the porch depicting a hand drawn, smiling, house cat and begins to replace the wooden figures of bears, panthers and Indians carefully displaying them on the porch rail.
kind-hearted-woman
 
Act one, Scene Four next...

Comments

You sure know how to thicken a pot. I mean, plot. ;)
R.
You have me hooked! What's a man to do~
That reminded me of hopping out of a pickup truck and racing up the porch.
Rotten boards didn't scare me. That mop wasn't gonna run-off Cops & Farmers.
Farmers drop their bib overalls. They stand in a upright position. I in Prone Position.
Moslems and Jews have things in common. Moslems don't eat pork chops with bacon.
I say mutton tasty.
Yodel with sheep milk.
I did eat sheep cheeses.
Gargle Everona Cheese.
~
Hand painted rail signs`
No Loiter. No Clothes`
No Sit On Porch Rails`
No Fall In Rot Holes`
Please Run Faster`
Dog Needs Lunch`
Who don't Love?
Love Mop Lover.
Goofs. No Burp.
So when are you submitting to some agent?
It's great.
Rated with hugs
I just finished reading the other two scenes you've posted . . . this is some fine writing, and a helluvan engaging story! What great characters!
...I'm still with you, Linnnn. It's getting more and more interesting.

Lezlie
Now that I'm all caught up ...
Great dialogue. I'm really enjoying it. Looking forward to the next scene.
this gnome's on tenterhooks now.

r
This is good, really, really good. Rated.
does willis have a brother?

i'm with cyril. and catching up ...


Do's & Donuts: A Moony Off-Kilter View of Things




NOVEMBER 23, 2010 6:30AM

Do's & Donuts: A Moony Off-Kilter View of Things

 



Dos & Donuts, next morning, early. Cecil, clean and groomed, sits at the picnic table in clear anticipation, a pocket knife and a large raw piece of wood in front of him for whittling. Veeta emerges from her donuts shop, apron dusty with flour, with a steaming cup of coffee and a big glazed donut setting them in front of Cecil. He delicately sips and eats, silently savoring breakfast, and begins whittling. Mira arrives, high heels clicking. She snags Veeta by the arm walking her to the far corner of the porch…
MIRA
(Whispering quickly, dramatically) Everything looks great Veeta! You got all the blood up. How is our “client?” I won’t let anyone in to the facial room until we can move him tonight late…I been thinking. Let’s just put him in the hospital parking lot right before shift change tonight. Someone’ll see him and, “bada-bing,” he’s dealt with. I brought my personal supply of valiums to put in his water to keep him knocked out…
          
Suddenly a very elderly woman, Firelight Whitmire, scoots onto the porch in a hover-round motorized wheelchair, oxygen tank strapped to the side with tubing leading to her nose. She drives to a rest between the sisters.
FIRELIGHT
Goooood mornin’ my little butter beans. Time for breakfast…I got a taste for bacon today…
VEETA
Mama! In a second honey…
MIRA
Veeta! Our “client?”
VEETA
MIRA! Shut…up! He’s gone. And no more New York cop shows for you. What’s this “bada-bing”?
FIRELIGHT
It’s what “eye tal yun” guys say, Veeta.
MIRA
(Steering Veeta away from Firelight, whispering, with rising panic) Gone? He can’t be gone. He must’ve crawled off somewhere. Did you look in the attic? How about under the shop? Under the porch?
FIRELIGHT
That possum back in your attic Veeta? Just let me sit out here one night with your Daddy’s shotgun and “bada bing” no more possum.
VEETA
He’s just gone Mira. Let it lie.
FIRELIGHT
‘Course gotta do it right with the first shot or they crawl off and die somewhere private-like and next thing you know there’s a stink…whew!!
MIRA
Oh my GAWD! (She collapses in a chair) What did you DO?
VEETA
What did I do? For the love ‘a … I did nothing. He left on his own…somehow. Now, I’ve opened up Donuts and you just open up Do’s. Get to teasing up some big Tammy Wynette hair. It’s like it never happened. Right Mama?
FIRELIGHT
That’s right Veeta. Never happened. I’m goin’in. All this talk about your possum’s makin’ me hungry. (She wheels into the donut shop.)
VEETA
Nothin’ is even missing except that bottle of peroxide and some towels. The crossbow bolts. And your dress.
MIRA
Oh poo! I was going to return it.
VEETA
Do you see? He took all the evidence. I think we got lucky. He missed your cash box. So, as I see it in the light of day, it was just a bad dream and it’s over.
MIRA
(Shaky) Well, if you say so Veeta.
VEETA
I say so.
MIRA
We have to keep this secret forever, Veeta.
VEETA
Yep. I will.
MIRA
We’ve got to take the oath…
VEETA
No oath Mira. That was just some voodoo Mama made up. She’s always been a couple of rollers short of a perm…
MIRA
We have to take the oath! It’s the only thing that’ll bind us. And I don’t want anyone to know about this because of Earl.
VEETA
No.
MIRA
Yes.
VEETA
No
          They stare each other down.
MIRA
Yes!
VEETA
No!
MIRA
(Exasperated) But why ever not?
VEETA
It’s stupid and I promise not to talk of this ever again. That should be enough.
MIRA
Well, I don’t think it’s enough Velveeta Whitmire.
VEETA
Hush up!! WE took the oath never to say our full names in public. You just broke it!
MIRA
(In a whisper) Velveeta! Velveeta! Velveeta!
VEETA
Oh my God! I’m going to knock you square into Buncombe County if you don’t cut it out.
MIRA
VELLLL-VEEEEETA!
          Cecil is startled from his whittling and looks at the sisters.
VEETA
(Pushing Mira) Stop it!
MIRA
(Pushing back) VELLLLLLL-VEEEETA!
VEETA
(She rears back and lets fly…) MIRRRRRACLE WHHHIP!!
MIRA
Oh you BITCH!
          They push and slap each other until they stop teary and out of breath and look at each other and Cecil with some shame.
VEETA
Just our luck to have a Mama who named us after her favorite luncheon sandwich.
MIRA
I suspect the next Whitmire child would’ve been named Wonder Bread, had there been one. I always wanted a little brother…
VEETA
That’s what Daddy loved about Mama. Her peculiarities. He loved her ever since she walked barefoot down from the mountains with that moony, off-kilter view of things. Who knows what kin we have way back up there in the coves around Panthertail.
MIRA
Yeah, and I don’t want to know. Veeta, the oath?
VEETA
The oath, then. Cecil would you kindly avert your eyes and plug your ears. This is family stuff.
          They link arms at the elbows, and cross pinkies with their free hands and stand on one foot.
MIRA
Upon our honor, we take the Hangdog Holler oath, that the events of the last 24 hours are a family secret, not to be spoken of again. I do solemnly swear…
VEETA
As do I. Reluctantly.
          They unlink arms and pull their pinkies apart, stop a second, and hug. Up on to the porch comes Mira’s first client, Mrs. Galloway, a regular with a big purse.
MRS. GALLOWAY
G’morning Veeta honey. Bring me one of those bearclaws and a cup of chicory will you? To hell with my blood sugar. C’mon Mira. I am a lady barely clingin’ to whatever I got left in the looks department. Let’s start the engines…
         Mira looks at Veeta pleadingly.
VEETA
Go on girl. We’re ok.
MIRA
Hey Mizz Galloway. Let’s just make you even prettier than you already are!
MRS. GALLOWAY
That’s why I like you Mira. You’re so full of hogwash! You just got to quit sniffing all that hair spray that’s all. Then you’ll be fine…
         Mira and Mrs. Galloway link arms and march into the beauty salon.
         Veeta walks over and taps Cecil on the shoulder who still has his eyes closed and ears plugged. He looks up and smiles at her and commences to whittling and eating again.
         Willis arrives for breakfast, and walks toward the shop with Veeta.
WILLIS
No end to the calls last night, trouble all around, Veeta. I sure could use some coffee with that special sugar you have here. (He pecks her on the cheek) Haven’t slept.
VEETA
Ah damn it, Willis, more than what happened here?
WILLIS
Yep. Somebody stole Zeke’s pickup over in Cold Mountain. Found it at Berry’s Diner near the tracks.
VEETA
Get a description? Anybody see him?
WILLIS
No one saw him. Don’t know how the guy did all that. So much blood…Seemed like he was half bled out.
VEETA
Oh my word! Sounds like one tough fella I’m sure. Too bad he didn’t let anyone help him.
WILLIS
Oh, he had help…We just gotta find out who that’s all.
VEETA
Well we sure had a dark moon over us last night didn’t we? Let’s get you that coffee. Your eyes look like two burnt holes in a blanket.
WILLIS
Wait a second. Hold your horses woman. Was I dreamin’ or did I propose marriage to you last night?
VEETA
I believe you did.
WILLIS
Did you say yes?
VEETA
Not yet.
WILLIS
Gonna say yes?
VEETA
Maybe. Depends.
WILLIS
On what?
VEETA
Where’s my ring?
WILLIS
Oh, yeah. Ok. I’ll be back with one.
VEETA
Yes you will!
         She opens the door for him, he goes through.  She smacks him in the rear and he lets out an amused hoot. She pauses and shivers and then goes in herself.  Just the start of another day in Mishap Gap.
End of Act 1

Comments

My Gd I am loving this. Rated.
This is the first running screenplay I've read on OS and It's going super. I can just picture this happening and that is special!
Thank you gentlemen! I am so flattered that you are enjoying this story even though it is presented quite differently than usual here at OS. I would love to see it staged or filmed someday. Who knows?
Who would you cast in the roles? I like Saradan as Veeta. Someone mentioned that. Morgan Freeman as Cecil. I thought Randy Quaid as Earl, up until recently. (!) Mira? Don't know yet... Firelight? Betty White? She could do Mrs. Galloway too. Interested in knowing the thoughts of those following the play.
I like Sarandon as anything......
I'll take a Boston Cream, and two toasted coconut.
Comin' right up, Chief!
Just keeps getting richer . . . Velveeta and Miracle Whip? I wonder if I've heard worse . . . oh yeah, there was this guy in New Orleans named Daiqueri . . . his brother's name was Jack . . .
Linn.. I still think that Quaid can do it.. What about the other brother?
rated with hugs
Dennis has a good looking yet menacing thing going on as well. Good idea Linda!
We have a little theater in our neighborhood that stages plays like this all the time. It would be a big hit. How about Mary Louise Parker for Mira?

Lezlie
Love it.

As I said in PM - Mos Def, Mos Def, Mos Def. He is an amazing actor. Morgan Freeman, great as he is, has plenty of work and I don't see Mos Def enough.

The thing about Sarandon, there's something about her, SS always comes through her roles. A sense of some cultured tones in her voice. I can't see her as an effective - dare I say? - hillbilly. I know there are many talented 40ish actresses out there who don't get enough work. Something to think about while I clean the damn kitchen today.
And Randy Quaid - oh yeah. Even more so now.
Boy this is interesting...
I can´t wait
R
I love Helen Miren as one of the women. Danny Glover? The Dude as the old mean bastard. Nah, the Dude is too nice!
Damn TV. My mind keeps automatically plugging vampires in, and I bet that has nothing to do with it! (My great aunts, Ina and Melvina, would have loved it. And yes, real names.)
Ok, so where did he go, and how? Am I back to vamps again? Need the next scene!
This is too good for the likes of us! I want an autograph!
And I am stealing "Mooney Off-Kilter View Of Things."!
"Where’s my ring?" Linnnn....I'm dying here, who cares who will play it? Stop responding and keep writing before I become even more off kilter myself. You aren't going to take a break for the holiday are you?

Sorry, I'm one of those who will stay up all night finishing the last 150 pages of a good book. You little temptress, I need more now...
what xenon/zuma said. i'm off to the last one for today, and i'll be caught up!!! whoooooo.
Actually, peroxide cleans blood. And vodka? that's for the wound, right? No? Ohhhhh...


Do's & Donuts: Enter Earl



Do's & Donuts: Enter Earl


Do's & Donuts  Act 1, Scene 2

Do’s & Donuts about 3 am. The porch is quiet. Headlights sweep the front of the shop again and the sound of gravel crunches as someone gets out of a car and stumbles uncertainly up onto the porch. He is a large man, dressed in a suit in which he looks entirely out of place. He slouches into a chair, breathing heavily. He cradles a red Solo “to go” cup and says in a quiet voice…


EARL
Mira, you come on down here now. We’re goin’ home.

MIRA
(From above window) I’m stayin’ here tonight Earl.

EARL
No. Nope. You’re not. Let’s go.
MIRA
No, honey, I’m all settled in. I’ll be home to make you breakfast, I promise.

EARL
Mira, get your ass down here NOW!
He flings a chair. Mira and Veeta appear on the circular staircase fully dressed. Mira’s party dress is gone, replaced by slacks and blouse.
VEETA
EARL, you will now get off my porch.
EARL
          (Prowling around looking at things, he focuses on the pup tent)
Make me, bitch. Mira move it!
MIRA
(Whispering) Damn, he’s still worked up. I got to go Veeta or he’ll get too riled. You can give our “client” the best care anyway. I’ll be ok. (Louder) I’m comin’, honey, hang on. How ‘bout I make you a nice big cup of coffee when we get home?
VEETA
(Whispering) Damn it, Mira…Don’t you dump this on me…
MIRA
I’ll see you in the morning. Just stay cool. Sorry I puked.
VEETA
That’s ok. But Mira…
EARL
What’s this? (Slowly drawing out the moment) Upon closer inspection, I see that you have been up to no good, Miss Veeta. Yessiree. (Mira and Veeta look fearfully from the stairs trying to see what has caught his attention.) I see evidence of quite an infraction of the LAW here. There is PHYSICAL evidence right here for anyone to see. And because I am RELATED to you by marriage, I am going to help you DISPOSE of it, so no one will see fit to haul your sorry ass into court. Why, if I don’t help you with this dilemma, sis, you could do time.  And although it would bring me great pleasure to think of what they'd do to you in jail, I feel a certain kinship here.
          (Mira and Veeta start down the stairs)
Veeta, dear sister-in-law, (He shouts) you still housing the homeless here? You stupid cow, you’re lowering the value of the real estate with this little tramp camp. My property value and everyone else’s is in danger of goin' tits up because of your half-assed notion of social responsibility.
          He circles the pup tent as a man clad in long johns emerges from it and backs away into the shadows.
You better get a move on Cecil…Time to MOVE ON!
          He kicks over the tent and rips down all of Cecil’s belongings, stomping everything in his path. He then topples over every wooden figurine on the porch.
VEETA
(Producing and cocking a large shotgun)   Be on your way Earl, NOW! I called Willis.
EARL
(Sneering) “I called Willis.” Tonto to the rescue! Cherokee freak. (He puts on “Indian” voice) Kimo sabe save white woman from bad man, and make her his squaw. Ugh! You like the way he makes a teepee Veeta?
            Taking Mira by the back of her blouse and quick-stepping her from the porch -
Get in your car, Mira. G’night, sister-in-law. Looking forward to a jelly filled one after church on Sunday, darlin’.
         Car doors slam and gravel churns as Earl peals out of the parking lot with the sounds of Mira’s car traveling behind. Vera uncocks the shotgun and slumps.
VEETA
If lightning don’t strike you first…

Comments

Loved it, and the images I got during the read.
It is a good piece, well worthy of an award in my view here.
Where are you going with this?? I will come back...
GREAT pacing. Love the, "it won an award" tag. But confess I already knew that. Rated. ;)
"It won an award" tag: you sure know how to keep them coming back for more. That makes me so curious!

And this was way too short!
Great writing.

Not sure I too much love the tired old "woman good - man evil" theme, but let's see how it all comes out.
Yep. Seen this sort of thing live and wrote about the not-infrequently horrifying aftermath. Nailed it, Linnnn.
Interesting piece, both tough and funny. What award did it win?
I am asking a Taxi to dump me off at Lea Lane's Union Rescue Mission so we can eat `
Krispy doe nut`
Stage Play Puck`
Puck was tricking`
O Kreme Crumb.
or,
something better.
Linnn, whatever award you won, you deserve another one. Your talent knows no bounds and I really believe you'll have a big-time movie or play or whatever one day. Great Stuff!
Harrowing but familiar in any dialect any part of the world, unfortunately.
Runner up in the Women Playwrights' Initiative annual playwrighting competition a few years back. Plays were submitted from all over the southeastern U.S.

Yeah, skypixie, I know, but with all the focus on bullying lately, this play seemed timely. If you keep reading, you'll see why. Thanks everyone for keeping up with it...
Oh! I am so honored that Art is following too! And scanner, I wrote this with one specific theater in mind - Flatrock Playhouse in Hendersonville, N.C. Their summer audiences are more interested in the old tried and true plays like Arsenic and Old Lace, but you never know...Perhaps some day.

Thank you everyone for your kind attention.
Love the writing.
Love the name of the store....considering the combination, I'm not sure I would shop there, but....
Seriously, really liked this installment and am looking forward to reading more.
R
Just great Linnnn,
rated with hugs
This is such a raw story, well told, great dialog.
rated with love
This stuff is tough to write, but you do it so effortlessly. How dare you! Looking forward to the next one.....
How you can cram so much of life into such short bursts is amazing. I need more, more more. I can't wait for Earl's liver to fail, either.

Double Zumapick.
earl needs a hard knock to each shin.

r
Wow! Waiting for the next one.
Fine tight writing. The "red solo" cup wonderfully made the scene for me. Grand post.
Can you read my Tarot cards?
Rated.
Good stuff here. I hate him already! R
ok, i officially hate earl. ready for the next act, kiddo, in a few minutes. gotta go help cecil put his stuff back together. excellent, linnn. more, please.
Oooh, delish! Though I must admit I was hoping at least one or two little pellets for Earl. You vixen you, sigh... I must wait.
Awesome! Good stuff!!!!!!!!!!! Rated with all paws and my tail!! :)

(You know, so it'll count!! :D)
Wow lady. Keep them coming! And congrats! ~r
Linnn, this is so cool! ~r
so well done, linnn. ...look how many of us you reeled in already! xo Thanks!
Good and very real grasp of language here. rated