Friday, November 6, 2009

Even More Spoor at the Door (Still Stalling)

Seems I have been far more prolific, and probably even more annoying, leaving comments on my favorite Bloggers' sites than I thought!  Look what I found -


~  The agony is so very well shared, my Sistah! I found myself standing in line at the Dollar Store to purchase 3 artificial flowers for my daughter's Halloween hippy costume and a Fanta Orange drink for my son. 10 people ahead of me, one befuddled non-English speaking clerk who couldn't make the credit card thingie work, and I began to melt down...The lady in front of us heard me start to lose it. "This is the last stop. I can't do this anymore. Everyone is well beyond violating my personal space. Is that a hot flash? I am really losing it!" By all that is kind and merciful, she let me go ahead of her BECAUSE she was RETURNING items to the DOLLAR STORE. With that, she bought herself on more day breathing on this earth!

~  That kitten has him throughly mesmerized. Notice how he cheerfully provides a secure high perch for that dominant feline. Cheeky kitty! You know when they stare at us they’re just plotting to eat us eventually.

You wrote:  "I even think I saw a slimy, green troll abandon his makeshift lair and dive back into the drain hole."      I don't want to unduly alarm you, Jessica, but I think he saw you naked.

Re:  Really Drunken Guy in Mini-Mart Video:  Actually looks like he is attempting some kind of extreme yoga moves…When I have overindulged, I just give up at the point where I go to brush something off of my shoulder, and it’s the floor.

~  And then I farted.The ultimate punctuation. I am in awe.

~  I feel so evil and neurotic when I SLAM THE LID DOWN on some irritatingly happy person humming/whistling away a tune of their own making nearby. I try to tell myself that it is cruel to furiously nuke someone's evidentally self-amusing comforting habit and for a time employ supernatural self-control...and then they get louder, or change the tune to something like "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head." Or both. Hide the sharp implements. Maybe it's a tall chick thing...

~  So thrilled to finally earn a spot on a Weirdo Watchlist. So many have paid mere lip service to that in the past. Now it's official!

~  I turned the Monster Mash into a mini-virus amongst my other fellow Weirdos. Thanks to you, I gained some street cred with it. Not so fluffy anymore.


You wrote: “The Pope is a cannibal and eats kittens.”   I knew he had something really feline going on. Gives a whole new perspective to what all those backwoods inbred...dumbasses used to call us: Cat-lickers.

~ Remember, lift with your legs! Moving is fraught with ouch potential. And, if anything positive can come from this hellish economic situation, I'd say families, like yours, are knitting themselves together again in a solid front against the onslaught of modern life. Good on you! The Poochie pies just make me giggle...perma-smiles on all, awake or sleeping.

~  I didn’t think this stuff went on any more except amongst the way-out wacky Windsors. These people actually have an ancestor named “Albrecht der Bär.” He was a bear. They passed the privilege of being “der Bär” down through the line. And they admit proudly to being descended from Catherine the Great! I know you know what Catherine the Great was famous for, besides being apparently “great.” No wonder the Princess thinks nothing of wearing rollers in her portrait…Too isolated a gene pool to pull up sane in the 21st century.

~  The "fall back" is a religious plot that Dan Brown has yet to capture in one of his conspiracy books. On "fall back" Sunday, the clergy gets to see who will walk into church an hour early, look befuddled, then having nowhere to go, just sit and doze. The clergy clap their smooth little hands with muted glee, sidle up to we befuddled ones like smiling trap-door spiders,and hit us up for money. Or your first-born.That is why I am a pagan.

~  What woman gives birth to, raises and allows her son to be a dickhead manipulative malignantly narcissistic buttwipe like Munch? Is it nature or nurture? How could any woman in her right mind stand back, serve the beers and sandwiches, and allow her son to be schooled at the knee of her troglodyte "man" to learn how to "keep women in their place" by "lettin' em keep guessin'," or by "keepin' her away from distractions that don't cater to my needs?"
Don't let her feel pretty.
Don't let her feel intelligent.
Don't let her speak unless spoken to.
Don't ever loosen the chokehold.
And how the hell do the Munches out there weasel their way in to perfectly wonderful smart and capable women's lives later on?  Touched a nerve, dear.


~  Warning slutty teenagers to beware of condoms with (little paper) messages stapled RIGHT THROUGH THEM as distributed by Planned Parenthood may have been THE BEST MESSAGE to come out of that event. Totally. Way to trump an entire international organization, Jenny!

~  Our bodies, having absorbed a crapload of salt and preservatives from fast food, specifically those devil fries, will be dug up by erstwhile archaeologists in 2000 years and they will marvel at our outstanding skill at mummification. “Look, the colon in this one looks like it was functioning just yesterday!” Ancient Egyptian mummy makers are spinning in their sarcophagi wishing they’d have had quarter pounders and big macs to pre-enbalm their subjects! It’d been a whole lot less work.

2 comments:

  1. I love reading your comment droppings...which reminds me - the hell? Where've you been? I'm feeling neglected :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Trying not to flood your comments with blue-sky crazy talk, that's where! But now that you've opened the door... (SFX: the rubbing of hands together with muted malevolent chuckling.)

    ReplyDelete

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