Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Chardonnay Cure for Mercury in Retrograde

I am taking a fashion risk and clicked the "new post" button without carefully contemplating and authoring with spellcheck, a new blog post in Word and then carefully copy/pasting it with the inclusion of pithy images; owned/not owned jpegs.   God, I am such a poser.  It's not a fashion risk, it is the Chardonnay talking.  It has been a month of sere desert conditions mentally/intellectually and I feel like I need to morph into some kind of bumpy clay-colored golem monster and slam into the hallway walls like Bill Hurt did in that lame sci-fi movie...can't remember it's name...to begin writing again.  What ev.  Bueller?  Beuller?



Mercury is/was in retrograde.  All things that move must break.  Plate tectonics have now legitimized this notion. As has my roof which sports many leaks.  Globally that lends creedance to the earthquakes in Chile that pushed this blue vulnerable globe off of its axis by three inches and, in effect, made our days a bit shorter.  Does that strike you as foreshadowing just a little?

Shiba Inu.  My new mantra.  Must intone Shiba Inu.

It will be less than 35 degrees tonight in Florida where I live.  The heat pump is busted so we are giving hypothermia a bit of a go here to keep from being gouged by over enthusiastic repair jerks and the toxic combine that is Progressive Energy. 

It is March for the love of global warming!  I sold gave away all my "warm winter clothes" because for years there maybe was ONE DAY OUT OF THE YEAR to officially wear them.  With old El Nino this year, there have been many days I have been forced to wear the highly vaunted "layers" to keep warm.  All I need to do is mutter incoherantly  to myself, and voila, BAGLADY!  Subsequently, the people at Winn Dixie have expressed concern of late.  I start with the leggings and socks, add a t-shirt, then put on a sweatshirt, jeans, knitted hat, bathrobe over all and a blanket.  Then I have to pee.  The hell?

That's all for now.   Back to the Chardonnay.

7 comments:

  1. lol she's baaaaaaaaaaack.

    Yeah, my sister called me to tell me that we lost 1/298,0000th's of a second because of the earthquake. ummm, ok. And this affects me how???

    And I'm so over this cold weather I could spit. Really Mother Nature??? Can you please get a grip on your boy Snow Miser?? Yeah, no snow so we shouldnt bitch too much but hey I want my 80 degrees back. NOW.

    Prepare ur liver woman.

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  2. By the time you get all those clothes off, you will have already peed your pants. Hoping you get some heat!

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  3. The bumpy golem monster! thats how I feel, but I could never articulate as beautifully as you have. If it's cold on my flippin vacation I'm going to wear a swimsuit and pretend. Honolulu MUST be warm.

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  4. Is it true that adult diapers add an additional layer of warmth and help protect against tardy emergency disrobing?

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  5. 1. Omigawd! William Hurt with HAIR!!

    2. Layering. It's all about layering.

    BZ

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  6. I wish I had known about the chardonnay cure for Mercury Retrograde. I usually just hole up in the basement and try not to touch anything...myself included

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  7. Peedee - My liver was BORN prepared!
    suzicate - Yep. Happened. After all the Chardonnay.
    Mrs. Bunker - Honolulu! Wheeee! Don't enrage the goddess Pele and leave the lava rocks there.
    Erik - Dunno...Do you? ; )
    BZ - Hurt was a hunk wasn't he? A brooding bad boy. Mmmmmmm.
    Vapid Blonde - Really ANYTHING with moving parts is destined to malfunction during MR. Good strategy, that basement, no touch thing. Kudos!

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Come on! Blurt, rant or engage in verbal disrobement! Anything goes, so indulge yourself right here, right now.