The Baby Tree, part 2

The Baby Tree

Continued...

KEVIN

Here, pressure on that.  (He grabs a towel and wraps her hand tightly)  Might have to whip a stitch or two into it later. Now we’re checking your pressure. (He locates a blood pressure instrument in his doctor’s bag and wraps her arm in the cuff and pumps it up. He expertly presses a stethoscope to her wrist and listens.) Do you feel lightheaded?

ELIZABETH

No. Just weird. Outside of myself. I could see the knife cutting my hand but it wasn’t me. Funny…

KEVIN

Even funnier. 120 over 80. You are great…No hypertension for the first time in months! (Dracula voice) Maybe we should’ve bled you sooner, ha-ha. Lame doctor joke, I know. Sorry. Put your feet up…

ELIZABETH

(Still fuzzy) I like your dorky bedside manner sweetie. A little dark, but funny. I guess I’m loopy from hormones. Tried to skin myself instead of that apple!  Sorry.

KEVIN

No, the hypertension meds are pretty powerful. You just nodded off and probably rolled over on it.

KEVIN

(They both jump as a loud knock is heard on the door) Who the hell? Stay here. (He looks out the window and can’t see the visitor, and then gingerly opens the door)

MISS LOUISE

(The door’s pushed in roughly from the outside and standing in the doorway is a tallish elderly woman in overalls, tall water boots, a multi-colored sweater and a hat with turned up ear flaps. She’s gruff…)  You got my apples?

KEVIN

Excuse me?

MISS LOUISE

You deef boy? You got my APPLES?

KEVIN

Well, I think they’re my apples now since I just bought the place. And I am not “deef.”

MISS LOUISE

I knew that. At least you ain’t ethnic. (She spits) And yer not hard on the eyes. But I get the apples. Just like usual.

KEVIN

(Sensing something a little off with her)  Fine. You can have half. Here’s a bag…

MISS LOUISE

Half’s better than nothin’, Mr. Hot Shot Landowner. I’ll bring you some pickles next week in barter. (Noticing Elizabeth she visibly softens)  Well, boy, why didn’t you tell me you had a little wifie here all full up with babe. Obviously your pickle is in perfect working order. And I see you found the cradle in the attic…

KEVIN

Uh…

MISS LOUISE

(She barrels over) How you doin’ honey? (She puts her hand full on Elizabeth’s tummy, making her jump)  You got a girl in here. I never miss.

KEVIN

But... (Sarcastically) Aw dammit, we wanted to be surprised...

MISS LOUISE

(She touches Elizabeth’s shoulder and Elizabeth nearly crawls over the back of the recliner to get away.) Milk’s droppin’. You due soon? I’ll be by when you get to laborin’ to help out.

KEVIN

Not that we wouldn’t appreciate…

MISS LOUISE

I am known as the best baby catcher in the county. Never once fumbled a slippery little squealer fresh outta the oven.

KEVIN

Well, there’s something to hang your hat on…

MISS LOUISE

Could turn a breech in a twink too…

KEVIN

Hang on…That's enough.

MISS LOUISE

And if a baby is a big’n and havin’ a tough time makin’ it out, why my signature move is called the North Carolina Forceps.

KEVIN

Uh uh. Stop there…

MISS LOUISE

Y’see when the mama is nice and relaxed and not paying me too much mind…

KEVIN

No! Stop!

MISS LOUISE

I just take both my forearms and apply sudden pressure right to the top of the…

KEVIN

Oh Lord! Thanks but no. Going to County Hospital.

MISS LOUISE

…and those babies just come flying out! Gotta stand across the room with a catcher’s mitt they comin’ so fast then!

KEVIN

(Jutting out his hand)  I’m Kevin Kopp, the new town doctor. This is Elizabeth, my wife. We moved in yesterday. And you are?

MISS LOUISE

Miss Louise McCarthy. (She shakes his hand, eyeing his beer) Anything you need to know about this place I can tell you. You know most folk around here offer a guest a little something to drink when they’re callin…

(To be continued)