Saturday, May 30, 2015

Do's & Donuts: A Pretty Decent Proposal

NOVEMBER 22, 2010 7:08AM

Do's & Donuts: A Pretty Decent Proposal

Do's & Donuts, Act One, Scene 3

  Do's & Donuts around 3:15 am. Veeta is mopping the porch, a bucket, bleach and her gun within reach. She alternates mop strokes with swigs from her tumbler which she refills from a vodka bottle. Lights of a police car sweep across her and she looks up and scrambles to hide the mop, towels and a certain cocktail dress. She rapidly sits in her rocker with the gun across her knees.
A tall Native American law enforcement officer with a long black braid down his back approaches the porch, takes off his hat and sits on the steps.

Veeta. Earl again?
Anyone hurt?
You wanta press charges?
Cecil’s tent’s down.
Damn. Sorry I couldn’t get here quicker.
That’s ok. I’ll take care of Cecil. You go on now.
          She pats him on the shoulder as she gets up; Willis looks at the spot where she touched him.
I’ll help put Cecil back to right. I can… stay…you know. If you want…To guard, you know. Like before…
NO. It’s ok Willis. Go on.
(Gathering resolve)  Veeta, I truly think you need someone around here more regular to make sure everything’s alright.
(With Molly Brown bravado)  Well, you know better than that.  (Holding up her shotgun) Daddy left me “The Authority Stick” here and it seems to do the trick. You oughtta know I can’t afford a body guard or a security company, if that’s what you mean Chief...
I mean like a husband to you.
(Archly)  Willis, that’s a cozy solution to what you think is a problem here. Sweetie, I’m set in my ways. I like the seat down in the outhouse and the cap on the toothpaste. I am irritating in my living patterns. I stay up late with the owls and get up at the butt-crack of dawn. That alone is not conducive to marital bliss.  (She tries to lead him off the porch to leave)  Besides, who’d want a bossy old donut rollin’ flour-covered, crack shot, vodka drinkin’, foul mouthed, workin’ woman like me? I ain’t no spring chicken…
(Interrupting, blurting, taking her by the shoulders, going for broke)Woman, damn it, I’m tryin’ to say something here. I would. I mean I would want your bossy-ass self. I’d marry you. Yes, I would. There it is…
           Willis and Veeta, both stunned, sit down awkwardly trying to process the moment.
Well, honey, that’s the most words out loud I think I’ve ever heard you string together.
Uh huh. Don’t like to waste ‘em.
I like that. You go on along now.
Veeta? You ok?
Fine, Willis. I’ll call you, honey. I’ll make you dinner, how’s that? And you can guard me then. Just go on now…
           Willis takes her hand, and kisses her gently on the lips and leaves hesitantly.   But then he makes a furious return to the porch to plant a big romantic kiss on Veeta after all, and then beats a hasty retreat not really believing what he just did. Veeta is ruffled and glowing in the aftermath.            Cecil emerges silently from the shadows, relights his lantern, retrieves a pair of overalls from the wreckage of his tent, tugs them on and starts straightening up his destroyed campsite area…Veeta shakes off the spell of that kiss, props her gun against the chair and joins Cecil in his clean up. Veeta finds and returns Cecil’s harmonica to him.
Cecil straightens with some reverence the homemade wooden sign on the porch depicting a hand drawn, smiling, house cat and begins to replace the wooden figures of bears, panthers and Indians carefully displaying them on the porch rail.
Act one, Scene Four next...


You sure know how to thicken a pot. I mean, plot. ;)
You have me hooked! What's a man to do~
That reminded me of hopping out of a pickup truck and racing up the porch.
Rotten boards didn't scare me. That mop wasn't gonna run-off Cops & Farmers.
Farmers drop their bib overalls. They stand in a upright position. I in Prone Position.
Moslems and Jews have things in common. Moslems don't eat pork chops with bacon.
I say mutton tasty.
Yodel with sheep milk.
I did eat sheep cheeses.
Gargle Everona Cheese.
Hand painted rail signs`
No Loiter. No Clothes`
No Sit On Porch Rails`
No Fall In Rot Holes`
Please Run Faster`
Dog Needs Lunch`
Who don't Love?
Love Mop Lover.
Goofs. No Burp.
So when are you submitting to some agent?
It's great.
Rated with hugs
I just finished reading the other two scenes you've posted . . . this is some fine writing, and a helluvan engaging story! What great characters!
...I'm still with you, Linnnn. It's getting more and more interesting.

Now that I'm all caught up ...
Great dialogue. I'm really enjoying it. Looking forward to the next scene.
this gnome's on tenterhooks now.

This is good, really, really good. Rated.
does willis have a brother?

i'm with cyril. and catching up ...


  1. Yikes! I looked at the comments and saw they were all posted nearly 5 years ago. Then I did some more investigating and discovered this ran originally on OS, before my time there, I believe. (love this, btw--your dialect is as authentic as I've ever seen in print)


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